Why Do Humans Wear Clothes?

This story is based on Tumblr post I saw a while back. It’s a rough draft and will probably change greatly when I finally decide to do something with it, but I wanted to put it out there. Here is the post that inspired it.


Why Do Humans Wear Clothes

by Mike Fontaine

“Why do Humans wear clothes? Its so weird.”


“Well, Humans never evolved the ability to completely regulate their body temperature, like you or me. They also lack robust fur or feathers to protect their skin from UV radiation.”


“But the Urlurl don’t have any fur or feathers?”


“Yes, but they also have a thick hide, the Human’s skin is fragile, easily cut or scratched, and prone to infection if it is kept too moist or too dry. Also the gonads of the males of their species are external at all times.”


“All times?”


“Yes, so they have specialized clothing that keep them from swinging too much arn being injured. And the females mammary glands are also swollen at all times, even when not nursing, even if they have never nursed.”


“That doesn’t make sense.”


“It is what was selected for, probably because they wore clothing that could adapt to it. Humans have become adept at creating specialized clothes. They are one of the few species to have traveled the depths of their ocean outside of a vehicle, and they may be the only non aquatic one. They can live in almost any environment because of their clothes. The only part of their planet that is not densely populated is the Poles, and even there they have small settlements!”

“Nobody could survive in that type of environment.”


“Humans can! But that is not even the most interesting aspect of their use of clothing! It has widespread cultural ramifications as well. Would you believe that humans do not mat at sexual maturity? They are actually taught to hide it under clothing! And they are shamed for giving into biological urges! This has lead to their sexual maturation taking years from onset to full maturity. Similar species on their planet become sexually mature just months after puberty, humans take at least a few years.”


“Then they must be a lazy people, without sexual release why would they work hard, how are they even able to think strait?”


“And that is another weird aspect of humans, by denying sexual release the have found a way to channel that energy into their science and culture. Using it to create great works of art and leaps in science.”


“They can’t be too great, they haven’t figured out faster than light travel yet, almost every species figures that out before they figure out fusion. I mean, it’s so easy!”


“Let me ask you a question? How long from your species creation of powered flight until you went to your moon?”


“I’d say 400 or so Standard Years”


“Humans did it in under a hundred”




“Yet True.”


“How did they even get to that level? You said that they were a predator species, but I see no claws, or fangs, or poison sacks, or spikes, or any of the adaptations that predators usually have.”




“I thought you said that Humans were the dominate species on this planet, the Apex Predator?”

“They are! They are! And this is what makes them unique. Do you know how they hunted, before they invented projectile weapons? They are the first example pursuit predators. They would just harass their quarry until exhaustion. A human can walk for hours and hours chasing an animal, using its intelligence to track it, basically hunting into exhaustion. And while their top speed is nothing great, they can put on a burst of speed at the end of all that walking, making it impossible for the creature to escape.”


“How do they do that?”


“Stamina. Their body is incredibly efficient at removing toxins that build up in muscles. It is also has incredible healing abilities.  A human can survive just about any injury that does not directly destroy the brain or central circulatory muscle if given proper medical attention. There are stories of warriors losing all four limbs and surviving! They can even continue fighting after taking severe wounds. I have witnessed one Human take 4 shots from a Gauss Rifel, one almost disintegrating his arm, and continue to take out two Baganal warriors.”


“How did he not die of shock? I thought you said that their skin was fragile?”


“It is, but their nervous systems are robust. When in danger the excrete chemicals into their system called Adrenalin and Endorphins. These chemicals speed up their metabolism, making them stronger and faster, they also dilute their feeling of pain. With enough of this flowing in their system a human may continue to fight long after another species would have been dead. Never mind that they sometimes survive after this. The ones who have done so are incredibly dangerous, because they learn.”


“Everyone learns. “


“Yes, but humans learn at a level almost 3 times faster than any other sentient race, not only that, but they are organized when they want to be. Did I mention to you that they are pack hunters?”


“You’re kidding, right?”


“Not at all. Humans have a natural ability to form a hierarchy, and worse it usually works well. Take 30 random humans and throw them into a room, by the end of they day they will have a leader, a second, and have determined the specialties of everyone else. I’m not saying that there is never descent, but for a short time, during a crisis, it works. And they are flexible enough that if a new situation arises they may change leaders to someone more capable to handle that situation, often without violence or the current leader losing face.”


“So you are telling me that they work like heard species, but without the rigid hierarchy and inflexibility, they are pack hunters but they don’t kill their leaders to change leadership. That they are near impossible to kill, and the survivors will teach the rest… and they will listen. They are adaptable, organized, and tireless? Thank Grood that they don’t have faster than light travel!”


The older creature turns and looks out the viewport, as another sunrise dawns on the bluegreen planet. “Why do you think we are here watching them?”


Lost time…


Its been a while since I have updated my blog, so I figured I’d do something to make t worth while. I have downloaded the WordPress Android app,  and am currently posting from it. Oddly this seems more natural and easier than posting from my computer. I’m sure that it wont look as pretty,  or well composed,  but I find that I like using the predictive typing feature and the touch keyboard is easy to use. All in all,  this is an enjoyable experience. Now, let’s see if I can figure out how to add a picture to this…

Step by step, day by day…

My New Years Resolutions:

  1. Lose Weight: I am currently at 320 lbs. and this is way too much. I resolve to lose at least 40 lbs this year. I believe that this is going to be a very reachable goal. I will try a mix of diet modification and activity modification. I will post my results here at least once per month.
  2. Continue school: I have a goal of completing an Associates Degree by 2011. To complete this goal I will have to take no less than 9 credit hours each semester.
  3. Find a job I love: This is the hardest of all my resolutations, as many people never find this.
  4. Learn to goto bed early and wake up early: I have never been a morning person, and I understand that this can be a learned habit. I will attempt to learn this habit.
  5. Quit Smoking: This is a hard one, I have smoked now for 11 years, and I enjoy it. I have no compelling reason to quit other than health and money. These should be enough, but they are not. I like smoking, but I know I must quit. There are three main options I will try this year for no less than one month each if needed: cold turkey, patches and gum, and hypnotism. If these don’t work, I will then go to my doctor and get on the latest Stop Smoking medication regardless of the price. By the end of this year I will be a non-smoker, but I will ALLWAYS respect the rights and feelings of smokers.
  6. Start savig money for a house: I plan on having children and children need a house and a yard. This does not mean that they need it when they are born, but they do need it by the time they are 3 or 4. So I need to set a 5 year saving plan where at the end I can afford to buy a house big enough, and in a good school district, for a family. I do not want to have to borrow a large amount of money for a house. I think the greatest thing I could ever do for my family is buy a house free and clear.
  7. Fix my outstanding student loans: I need to get these loans back in line so that I can start step two of my five year plan, get a Bachelors degree. I can do this after 9 months of good payments.
  8. Get out of debt/pay all past bills: I need to clean my credit report, and I know I can do it in one to two years. I can do this by focusing on needs and staying away from wants. Simple, neh? Try it sometimes. We as a society have forgotten the difference between a need and a want, I am going to attempt to re learn this.
  9. edited… no longer relevant :( (2/28/12)
  10. Follow a dream: I am a dreamer, and I have many dreams to follow. I resolve to fail, or succeed, at at least one dream this year. I will not half ass it. I will put myself out there and do everything I can to follow this dream. I will sacrifice for it. I will work hard at it. I will stop just dreaming and start doing.

That is all,


Starting out…

So, I am coming up on a change in my life and I decided that I will document this change online. This blog will be used as a repository of my ideas to make money, comments on new tech toys that I want, and musing on life in general. My goal is that by pulling these thought from my head and placing them here it will give me the motivation to move ahead with them. so here it to the future!

Mike Fontaine